When we journey down a path untrod it can feel like this many times. When we embrace a journey in healing it can also feel like this. It can feel lonely, it can feel pointless and it can feel disarming. But then every ten steps we take we make such progress that we start to recognise those five steps back are here to teach us something. To give us that extra push to keep going. They are the reminder that it is important to take time out, to stop, to recharge. A lesson that I am very good at preaching but not always good at practicing!
We are creative energy beings, our spirits love it when we create and yet so often we are frightened of our creative spirit. Why? When we create our body starts to buzz, we feel sensations that rush through us and we feel ourselves come alive. Yet, we let words, thoughts, stigma get attached to us and we forget, we become numb, we become shut down or tunnel visioned, we forget that we are the awareness of our very being and with that comes immense creative power, only when we re connect to this Awareness do we remember that we ARE rich in potential, possibility and Creativity.
We are experiencing deep change in every moment of our lives and when we embrace this we start to move with it. We are no longer stagnant but free! Oh, I have been stagnating, getting lost in anger, frustration in the stories out there... Wondering where I am meant to take my journey next... physically tired, numb and unable to see beyond the shadows and then I learnt the simplest tool, to say 'I am awareness' and repeat and repeat and the peace and the silence that came with this is immense. It is allowing space for me to tune back into my heart and into my horses and into the herbs! Where will it all lead, I have NO idea. I know what we have created, I know that the horses are a HUGE part of my existence... is it time for us to part... maybe? But I do not have the control of that... I have kept them a certain way and I must open every door to find which one to go in with them or without them but knowing that whichever door we go through or doors, it is the one that sings in my heart and a knowing that it sings in theirs too.
As I write I listen to Ludovico Einaudi - in a time lapse - so beautiful and powerful. I drink tea, a mix of lemon balm, oregano, clevers and thyme - a wonderful mix we also give the horses - we call it our 'clear mix' - supportive of the respiratory system and wonderful at clearing out any viral overload! Everything I need right now.
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